What he had done was so unforgivable, so cruel and so cold hearted that he now walked the cold halls alone. The laughing and talking of fellow students filled his head as he slowly made his way to his first class for the new school year. The feeling of coldness still surrounded him as he took his seat at a desk at the back of the classroom, he wanted to avoid the feelings that arose in him from that one desk at the front of the class, the desk he shared with the love of his life up until the end of last year, when everything went from great to disasters.
The seconds that turned into minutes that turned into hours ticked away in his mind throughout the whole day, with no one to talk to and no one to sit with things got quickly quiet and lonely for Lucas but this was nothing new to him. By the end of lunch Lucas knew that this year wasn’t going to be any different from what he had experienced in the last few weeks of the last one, the pain he felt when everyone turned their backs on him was still existent and wasn’t going to go away anytime soon.
ur opinions would be greatly appreciated, also any ideas for a title, i have none!!
Full Version: Opinion Needed
Wow Megsie..........terrific!!..............keep going!!!!
That's great Megzie, really well written.
I am curious now as to what he did that was so bad.
Are you writing a book or is it for school? You obviously have a talent for writing.
Keep up the great work.
I am curious now as to what he did that was so bad.
Are you writing a book or is it for school? You obviously have a talent for writing.
Keep up the great work.
aww thankyou, um im not quite sure yet, id like to maybe write a book full of short stories but i guess that would mean i need to keep writing, which i dont mind.
ahh to find out what he did u will have to wait and see lol
ahh to find out what he did u will have to wait and see lol
When's the next episode? Waiting patiently.
Speck x
Speck x
QUOTE (megzie_boo @ Jan 24 2006, 11:28 PM)
What he had done was so unforgivable, so cruel and so cold hearted that he now walked the cold halls alone. The laughing and talking of fellow students filled his head as he slowly made his way to his first class for the new school year. The feeling of coldness still surrounded him as he took his seat at a desk at the back of the classroom, he wanted to avoid the feelings that arose in him from that one desk at the front of the class, the desk he shared with the love of his life up until the end of last year, when everything went from great to disasters.
The seconds that turned into minutes that turned into hours ticked away in his mind throughout the whole day, with no one to talk to and no one to sit with things got quickly quiet and lonely for Lucas but this was nothing new to him. By the end of lunch Lucas knew that this year wasn’t going to be any different from what he had experienced in the last few weeks of the last one, the pain he felt when everyone turned their backs on him was still existent and wasn’t going to go away anytime soon.
ur opinions would be greatly appreciated, also any ideas for a title, i have none!!
The seconds that turned into minutes that turned into hours ticked away in his mind throughout the whole day, with no one to talk to and no one to sit with things got quickly quiet and lonely for Lucas but this was nothing new to him. By the end of lunch Lucas knew that this year wasn’t going to be any different from what he had experienced in the last few weeks of the last one, the pain he felt when everyone turned their backs on him was still existent and wasn’t going to go away anytime soon.
ur opinions would be greatly appreciated, also any ideas for a title, i have none!!
Well written, my opinions... well done..keep going let us know.
Thats really good I cant wait to find out what happens next 
heres the next installment, its not that good tho..
He looked at his watched and stood up as he headed towards his last lessons for the day, he thought about wagging but then thought of the consequences he’d receive if he did. That last class of the day felt as if it would never end, and when it did Lucas had never been so happy to be going home.
He sat on the edge of his bed and threw his bag on the floor in front of him, he watched as everything fell out of the opened zip he forgot to close on the way home. It amused him how small things like a sharpener or a glue stick were items that could be used everyday to make life simpler. He stopped his ridiculous staring at the stationary and laid back so his head was on the pillow, homework could wait. At just 15 years old Lucas had done something he never thought he was capable at doing, he broke someone’s heart, that someone he loved very deeply and he was still confused as to why for that split second he had forgotten that and given in to the temptation of not looking like a loser in front of his mates. He now hated himself for giving in to the pressure they had put him under, and now even they wouldn’t speak to him, he lost his relationship In hope of getting to be part of the great group he felt so out of place in, and now he didn’t have anything or anyone.
He heard the front door open with the jingling of keys and realized his mum was home from work, he must have fallen asleep because he didn’t remember the hours going by so fast from when he first arrived home. He knew if he left his room now he would be bombarded with questions about his first day back, and he wasn’t prepared for that now, but if he stayed in his room any longer he was sure he would die of starvation, so he got up and made his way over to the kitchen.
“How was your day darling” he heard his mum say as she unpacked the groceries.
“Um yea a normal school day I spose” was his response, his mother could see she wouldn’t get very far with a conversation, so she gave up and continued unpacking groceries in silence.
Later that night as he stood under the hot running water of the shower he tried so hard to forget the past couple of months but he could see it wasn’t going to be that easy, from the bathroom he could here the shriek of his mothers voice as she talked on the phone to one of her boring old school friends. He tried to stay under the water for as long as he could but he soon gave in to the heat and intensity of the water and decided to get out. It had just past eleven when Lucas decided he should go to bed, he hadn’t done his homework but he didn’t care, he would do it another time, It wasn’t due for a few more days anyway. He finally drifted off to sleep after what felt like hours of tossing and turning, his head was filling with dreams and they quickly started turning nasty, he stirred in his sleep and tried to keep his eyes closed.
The next day things felt the same way they did before, just A LOT harder no one understood why he gave into the pressures of his so called friends, nobody even tried to understand they just judged and hated him never listening to his explanations
sorry for the quality of boredom
thanks for ur comments everyone
He looked at his watched and stood up as he headed towards his last lessons for the day, he thought about wagging but then thought of the consequences he’d receive if he did. That last class of the day felt as if it would never end, and when it did Lucas had never been so happy to be going home.
He sat on the edge of his bed and threw his bag on the floor in front of him, he watched as everything fell out of the opened zip he forgot to close on the way home. It amused him how small things like a sharpener or a glue stick were items that could be used everyday to make life simpler. He stopped his ridiculous staring at the stationary and laid back so his head was on the pillow, homework could wait. At just 15 years old Lucas had done something he never thought he was capable at doing, he broke someone’s heart, that someone he loved very deeply and he was still confused as to why for that split second he had forgotten that and given in to the temptation of not looking like a loser in front of his mates. He now hated himself for giving in to the pressure they had put him under, and now even they wouldn’t speak to him, he lost his relationship In hope of getting to be part of the great group he felt so out of place in, and now he didn’t have anything or anyone.
He heard the front door open with the jingling of keys and realized his mum was home from work, he must have fallen asleep because he didn’t remember the hours going by so fast from when he first arrived home. He knew if he left his room now he would be bombarded with questions about his first day back, and he wasn’t prepared for that now, but if he stayed in his room any longer he was sure he would die of starvation, so he got up and made his way over to the kitchen.
“How was your day darling” he heard his mum say as she unpacked the groceries.
“Um yea a normal school day I spose” was his response, his mother could see she wouldn’t get very far with a conversation, so she gave up and continued unpacking groceries in silence.
Later that night as he stood under the hot running water of the shower he tried so hard to forget the past couple of months but he could see it wasn’t going to be that easy, from the bathroom he could here the shriek of his mothers voice as she talked on the phone to one of her boring old school friends. He tried to stay under the water for as long as he could but he soon gave in to the heat and intensity of the water and decided to get out. It had just past eleven when Lucas decided he should go to bed, he hadn’t done his homework but he didn’t care, he would do it another time, It wasn’t due for a few more days anyway. He finally drifted off to sleep after what felt like hours of tossing and turning, his head was filling with dreams and they quickly started turning nasty, he stirred in his sleep and tried to keep his eyes closed.
The next day things felt the same way they did before, just A LOT harder no one understood why he gave into the pressures of his so called friends, nobody even tried to understand they just judged and hated him never listening to his explanations
sorry for the quality of boredom
thanks for ur comments everyone
keep going
really???
KEEP WRITING!!
I wanna see more lol !!
Its really good
I wanna see more lol !!
Its really good
aww ok i'll keep going lol
QUOTE (miss_monica @ Jan 25 2006, 02:52 PM)
KEEP WRITING!!
I wanna see more lol !!
Its really good
I wanna see more lol !!
Its really good
me too
keep writting its really good
aww fan, i have done heaps more so yea
More: it is now up to 1,167 words, does anyone know how much more words are needed in short stories??
The day had gone so slowly he felt as though he was going to never escape the hell he was in, he knew he had no choice but to toughen up and face what had happened and get on with his life but at this point we really didn’t want to. When he finally got home he collapsed on his bed and shut his eyes, he knew he had to try one last time to fix what he had done because he couldn’t stand being this way for much longer and he new correcting his mistake was the only way he could feel better. He opened his eyes and rushed for his bag and grabbed his mobile s fast as he could, he dialed her number and listened as it rang.
“Hello??” said the female voice on the other end of the phone
“Um hi Vikki, its me Lucas please don’t hang up I really want to speak to you”
“Look Lucas there’s nothing you can say that could fix this”
“Just listen ok, look I didn’t want to do what I did, I know you don’t believe that but those guys the guys I thought were my friends taunted me everyday and I just lost it, I wasn’t thinking, I love you still Vikki and I know you don’t care and don’t believe me and hate me just as much as everyone else does but I mean it, I hate myself for what has happened and I really want you to try and forgive me I know we can work it out if you please just try and get past this, we had a great relationship and..” he was interrupted
“Look Lucas I don’t know, I was torn apart by what u did and it has taken me so long to even start at get over it and I don’t think we can work it out, I really really don’t, just leave me alone and don’t try and talk to me again please.”
Vikki hang up and Lucas felt like he was going to cry.
megan xxxx
The day had gone so slowly he felt as though he was going to never escape the hell he was in, he knew he had no choice but to toughen up and face what had happened and get on with his life but at this point we really didn’t want to. When he finally got home he collapsed on his bed and shut his eyes, he knew he had to try one last time to fix what he had done because he couldn’t stand being this way for much longer and he new correcting his mistake was the only way he could feel better. He opened his eyes and rushed for his bag and grabbed his mobile s fast as he could, he dialed her number and listened as it rang.
“Hello??” said the female voice on the other end of the phone
“Um hi Vikki, its me Lucas please don’t hang up I really want to speak to you”
“Look Lucas there’s nothing you can say that could fix this”
“Just listen ok, look I didn’t want to do what I did, I know you don’t believe that but those guys the guys I thought were my friends taunted me everyday and I just lost it, I wasn’t thinking, I love you still Vikki and I know you don’t care and don’t believe me and hate me just as much as everyone else does but I mean it, I hate myself for what has happened and I really want you to try and forgive me I know we can work it out if you please just try and get past this, we had a great relationship and..” he was interrupted
“Look Lucas I don’t know, I was torn apart by what u did and it has taken me so long to even start at get over it and I don’t think we can work it out, I really really don’t, just leave me alone and don’t try and talk to me again please.”
Vikki hang up and Lucas felt like he was going to cry.
megan xxxx
It's great ! Why don't you join the young writers association.Or maybe you have already??
haha u love leaving us in suspense dont u .. i only wanna know what he did ?
well i was thinkin of keeping that out of the book coz yea to tell u the trufth i dont kow what he did lol, im not a very good author, whats the young writers association antzpantz??
Personally lol .. i think u need to say what he did .. because if u ever get that published thats why the readers are going to read it, to find out what he did !!
And u wanted opinions so here is mine .. though i dont want to sound harsh .. if i was reading this story .. i would be dissapointed if it didnt say what he did!!
haha im going to bed lol its too late for me !!
Edit: i just re read that .. does it even make sense
And u wanted opinions so here is mine .. though i dont want to sound harsh .. if i was reading this story .. i would be dissapointed if it didnt say what he did!!
haha im going to bed lol its too late for me !!
Edit: i just re read that .. does it even make sense
ok thanks,im just gunna find summin to put as what he did lol,
well think .. how dramatic do u want it to be .. like do u want it so HUGE .. that like he killled someone ... or something minor like he got in a fight with someone .. ok they are realy violence ones ..soz.. i seriously cant think this time of night lol!!
there is so many things to think about though.. like i said think how dramatic u want it and go from there !!:P
um no ideas for a title i think it would be easier to write it all b4 u think of a title .. well thats how i would do it
there is so many things to think about though.. like i said think how dramatic u want it and go from there !!:P
um no ideas for a title i think it would be easier to write it all b4 u think of a title .. well thats how i would do it
good thinkin, well he did something that broke his gf's heart so i have alot of thinkin to do coz wateva he did he did it coz he was unda pressure from his so called mates
Great story - keep going I want to find out what happens next.
QUOTE (megzie_boo @ Jan 25 2006, 03:48 PM)
More: it is now up to 1,167 words, does anyone know how much more words are needed in short stories??
Round about 3,000 to 5,000 I think
BTW Megsie, it is reeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaalllllllllllllllly good !!!
QUOTE (viva_la_otter @ Jan 26 2006, 04:29 PM)
Great story - keep going I want to find out what happens next.
Me too
QUOTE (megzie_boo @ Jan 26 2006, 01:22 AM)
good thinkin, well he did something that broke his gf's heart so i have alot of thinkin to do coz wateva he did he did it coz he was unda pressure from his so called mates
um .. he TRIED drugs
or something .. and one of his gf's family members died of an overdose or something lol .. i dunno.. i always think really dramtic.. soz im giving u crap idead anything u write will be good !!
oh oh oh He did something to someone close to her... or he is just a down right a**
mm i thinkin along the lines of maybe he told his mates something she told him in absoloute privacy some thing she didnt want ANYONE to know..
or maybe he ki8ssed one of her best friends or or even her sister???
what ya think
or maybe he ki8ssed one of her best friends or or even her sister???
what ya think
QUOTE (megzie_boo @ Jan 26 2006, 09:55 PM)
mm i thinkin along the lines of maybe he told his mates something she told him in absoloute privacy some thing she didnt want ANYONE to know..
or maybe he ki8ssed one of her best friends or or even her sister???
what ya think
or maybe he ki8ssed one of her best friends or or even her sister???
what ya think
i like the first one - it would fit because he feels absolute crap, and everyone feels he is absolute crap too.
and he would brood and brood over that... and feel worse everytime he thought about it.
ok well i am gonna go wif da first one, he spread a secret and broke her heart
QUOTE (megzie_boo @ Jan 26 2006, 10:25 PM)
mm i thinkin along the lines of maybe he told his mates something she told him in absoloute privacy some thing she didnt want ANYONE to know..
or maybe he ki8ssed one of her best friends or or even her sister???
what ya think
or maybe he ki8ssed one of her best friends or or even her sister???
what ya think
I like the privacy thing storyline better
im not writing this story anymore so maybe someone can close the thread or somethin, i wont b writing again
ta
ta
Megz
Your a fantastic writer dont quit now!!! I would LOVE to hear what happens.
Why are you quitting... your fantastic
Your a fantastic writer dont quit now!!! I would LOVE to hear what happens.
Why are you quitting... your fantastic
QUOTE (megzie_boo @ Jan 27 2006, 09:51 PM)
im not writing this story anymore so maybe someone can close the thread or somethin, i wont b writing again
ta
ta
WHAT !!!
Why are u quitting writing .. ur so good at it !!
whats going on ??
Megz dont quit hell Mon [mon_is_the_coolest] or someone else knows im writing an OC fan fic. Ill post it later
look ur not gunna change my mind, im not finishing the story, u know what he did, u dont need the rest of it
plz just close this topic
plz just close this topic
megz thats really good! i love it!
Liz, you told me you were making one! xD
Liz, you told me you were making one! xD
CLOSE THIS TOPIC PLEASE
I think your stories were great though, megzie!
Anyway.. as you requested the topic is now closed.
Anyway.. as you requested the topic is now closed.
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